April Foolz

I always consider April Fools jokes one step below Surprise Parties, and this one was no exception. Imagine my surprise when I turned my calendar to April and it's essentially an advertisement for THIS blog—which I haven't written anything in since March—of LAST year. I was content to let this particular online journal die a quiet, undignified death, but now it's Miss April in some asshole's calendar. I mean, it was bad enough when this Russell guy told me he used my name for his calendar (Ray Speen's Online Empire, or something), but I didn't feel like I should be a hardon about it—especially because he didn't tell me until AFTER he had them printed. Fine. I don't mind helping a guy out who is obviously struggling. But now I feel like I have to write something here, just in case someone who has this calendar decides to look. Not that that's likely, but... whatever. I probably should write something every day this month, or so. No... forget that. I'll write something else though. It's not like I don't have anything to complain about. Though, life here in Mount Erie is generally pretty mellow, uneventful, and uninteresting. That last post I put up is surprisingly long, and I can't remember what possessed me to carry on so. I'll try to get-to-the-point from now on. Also, I noticed that there are no less than 34 comments after it! I glanced at them, and every last one of them is in Chinese—or at least I think it's Chinese—one of those languages that you can't even kind of figure out if you don't read it. Probably talking about how good looking I am, but I'll never know. Maybe I should delete them all. Not that I'm one of those "English only" fascists—but come on—if you can read the post, why not comment in the same language? Well, whatever. I guess that's why they call it the World Wide Web. Or maybe they don't call it that anymore.

With Friends Like Me You Don't Need Bill Collectors

I came across my former hideout on the "Big W" -- and to my shock and surprise... well, coming across it was my shock and surprise! I hadn't written anything since February? Could that be? It very well could be, and February 2008!!!

The fact that not a single person reminded me of my absence gives me a pretty good idea of how many loyal readers I have. Oh, well. At least I know I'm not personally responsible for the waste of time otherwise wasted elsewhere.

And how long has it been since I've been to the gym? Is that why when I lean over to put on my sandals something gets in the way, and it's not...

Enough of this. Like you need this. You've stayed away this long. Go back to your online Jenga.